What Would Jeffrey Do

I've spent a lot of my life being worried, anxious, and afraid of the future. Most of it, really. It comes in part from my mother, I’m sure, she was a chronic worrier, so I grew up always afraid of what could go wrong.

Jeff, on the other hand, was the calmest, least worried person I've ever known. His goal in life was to live each day as if it was the only important moment, just focusing on life in the present. Not long before we met he’d read the book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle and it profoundly impacted the way he would come to view the world, and the philosophy of his life. It is the foundation of his belief that one needs to live in the present moment, that dwelling on things that happened in the past, and worrying over what might happen in the future, served no purpose except to possibly keep you unhappy.

Although everyday anxieties and worry can slip into almost anyone’s thoughts, Jeff really did his best to dismiss them. He worked for a long time to keep that constant mental dialog that many of us have, at bay. He often said his moment of clarity, the moment when he realized he could silence the mind chatter, came when he was on his motorcycle. Being on the bike required him to always be aware of his surroundings, to be completely and totally present in each moment and not allow himself to be distracted by anything. Once he realized it was possible to silence the chatter he began to apply it when he was not on the bike, and gradually he was able to feel the same peace in everyday life.

His advice to me was to not let myself get caught up in my thoughts, to not listen to that negative voice in my head that always told me I couldn't do something, or reminded me of past mistakes, or began constructing endless scenarios about what could go wrong in the future and why I was sure it would be awful. Whenever those thoughts come up, he said, just notice them. Notice the thought, maybe remark to yourself, “That’s very interesting,” and then just let it pass. When I started to dwell on a thought he said imagine that as I hear it over and over in my head that it gradually begins to trail off. The words start to fade out, the volume just reduces to a hum and gradually disappears. I’m still trying to incorporate this into my life, now more than ever. He was always confident I could do that, and I was always confident I couldn't. I would get so frustrated when he’d put these suggestions out there, I’d tell him I could never do it, I can’t be calm, I’ll never be at peace and free of my negative mindset. I’m still skeptical, but I’m going to try again, really try, to understand how he approached this.

For now I’m re-reading The Power of Now, partially because I couldn't quite absorb it when I first tried, several years ago. Over the years Jeff had drifted away from talking about it as much, and he didn't follow Tolle’s further books all that closely, but the basic concept of the Power of Now remained a central part of his life. Perhaps I’m ready to absorb the message now, and even if not I’m finding that as I reread it brings me a  little closer to the way Jeff regarded the universe.

Whenever I would complain that I’d never be able to get rid of my negative mind chatter and find that same calm he would tell me, only half jokingly, to ask myself What Would Jeffrey Do?  He said we’ll write a book about this one day. Maybe I still will, if I can manage to make his calmness a part of my own life.  So what would Jeff do?  I honestly have no idea how he would be reacting if the situation had been reversed, if he were in my place now. But I am going to do my best to follow the example I think he would have set.