And so the cards, the book, the memorial candle, and the DVD are all ready for the service. They had so many choices for the books and cards, some of which may not vary much from place to place because I recognized the designs from other funerals. I went with a plain book, I don't think my husband would have been too excited to have a floral theme, and certainly not the default dove launching into flight. Besides, does anyone sit down and go back through the books after a funeral? I have a few for parents or grandparents and I don't think I ever looked in them again after the service.
People expect to have them, though. It's important for them to leave their condolences. I wish it were all electronic though. Signing a tablet would be much nicer. That has to be right around the corner, if it's not a thing yet.
So. I fell into a billion pieces watching the dvd, as happens when I have been looking at photos already. For some reason today it was a lot worse, though. Is it because I keep looking at the date and thinking: exactly one week ago at this time my life still made sense. Everything was still okay. I could still snuggle up against my husband. He could still reassure me that he just felt a little off but he was sure he was fine.
Meanwhile I am trying to watch my regrets. I have too many... why didn't I pressure him into going to the ER the moment he said he felt off? Why didn't I ride in the ambulance with him? Oh, that one is killing me right now. If only I'd done that I could have held his hand a little longer. We could have shared an "I love you" one more time.
Tonight I will drown my regrets in donuts, I think. After a week of barely eating I think it's time for comfort food.
No comments:
Post a Comment