It has almost been a full week. On one hand time seemed to stop, on the other I don't know how this much has already passed. I feel like I was just sitting there with him. I can close my eyes and feeling his arms around me, and snuggling against him.
I looked through so many pictures. The ones I've kept on my phone, the ones that I had saved. And videos, too, little short clips we sent each other. I wonder how long it takes before I can look at any of it and smile instead of falling apart. I wonder when the time comes that I will find an appetite, instead of trying to eat something every day only because I know I'm supposed to. How long before I stop feeling physically awful.
Today I pick up the memorial package, the guestbook, the remembrance cards, the urn, although I have not yet received his ashes, the urn will be his proxy at the memorial. I have two days to try to prepare myself for that as much as I can.
I keep telling everyone I'm doing okay, I'm hanging in there. Am I? I'm not even sure.
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