A Love Story

I had never dated much in my life. I didn't have friends who were inclined to fix me up, I was overweight, insecure, and far too shy to consider putting myself into the dating pool. I dated briefly in college, and a few times afterwards, but for the most part I spent my twenties and thirties on my own. I was mostly content with my life. I had a nice apartment, I worked with good people, I had my little pastimes to keep me busy. I often thought about how I wished I could share my life with someone, but I was just too afraid of trying to get out to meet people. When online dating services began to advertise heavily I'm not sure why I thought I'd give it a try, but I signed up, just for giggles. I didn't really expect much.

I didn't get contacted often, and I was a bit hesitant to try to initiate contact with anyone, so in the first couple months I exchanged emails with only a couple of people. I had one date with a very nice guy, but we just didn't seem to hit it off, and it didn't seem worthwhile to continue to pay for a service when I wasn't meeting anyone. I decided to let my subscription run out. It was kind of a fun experiment, but it didn't seem too promising. Before it was ready to expire I changed my profile a few more times, and I remember the last header I wrote: "Maiden seeks Knight, shining armor optional." Yes, a bit cheesy, but I wanted to make sure my profile was as goofy as I was so there would be no surprises later. Shortly after that I got an email from Jeff.

It took me a couple days to respond to him because at the time I was busy with the terribly important business of cleaning my living room to make way for a new sofa, but as soon as we started emailing we just seemed to hit it off. He didn't just write a few lines, he sent long thoughtful letters, he talked about his outlook on life and things he wanted to do. He was both fascinating and a little intimidating, he seemed far more spiritual, focused, and self confident than me. But, on the other hand, I remember one of the emails, after we’d compared some of our personality quirks, he commented that “We have the same bad habits!”

I loved exchanging emails, but it seemed right to move onto talking on the phone after about a week. I loved his voice, I always loved his voice. We talked often, then after two weeks we decided to meet at a local bookstore in the coffee shop.

When I got there I found this guy sitting at the table with a small vase of flowers. I hadn't expected flowers, I thought it was really sweet. Apparently he’d told the girl working at the counter that this was a first date, and he was a little nervous about meeting me, so she was watching with amusement while we sat there and talked. And we talked, we talked for at least three hours before we moved out of the coffee shop and into the bookstore to wander around. The afternoon meeting turned into an early dinner, then we each drove to a nearby park and strolled around till evening. I remember standing by my car, playing with my keys as we wound up the date. I was still nervous, I wasn't sure how I felt, I was a little afraid it wouldn't work out and I'd hurt, or maybe I was afraid it would work out and I had no idea if I could handle that.. but even with all my anxiety I knew I wanted to see him again.

Fortunately I didn't let all the doubts get the best of me and we kept talking, and kept meeting, and found more in common every time we talked. It was a month later when he went off to a convention for a few days, and I had a sudden realization that I was in love with him, head over heels, and I couldn't wait for him to get back. I kept leaving him little voice mails, and pinned his picture up in my cubicle. I think I amused my coworkers, who kept up with my romance and heartily approved of Jeff.

We moved along quickly, I suppose, compared to some couples. We’d met in person for the first time on July 10, and we were engaged on my birthday in November. We got married the following June. It was perfect. On the anniversary of our first date, a few weeks after our wedding, we decided to recreate our first date. The clerk at the bookstore was still there, and recognized Jeff. She was delighted to hear that we'd just gotten married, and thought it was so romantic.

All of my time with him was like that. I fell in love with him every day, and we were still learning about each other and finding new things that we loved in common. I don't think we went more than a few hours without saying "I love you!" and meaning it from the bottom of our hearts. He was my knight in shining armor, my soul mate, the partner I'd waited for my entire life. I know I am still speaking from a place of deep grief, but I honestly can't imagine ever sharing my life with anyone again. I will never be that comfortable with another person.

For the first few days I was wishing that I had dozed off and fallen into a nightmare, that none of it had really happened, and if I just wished hard enough I'd wake up and all would be well. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I was just fortunate enough to have my dream come true for eight beautiful years. I hope he felt the same way.