He's just over there

When I first come downstairs in the morning I always hope, just for a split second, that I'll see Jeff sitting on the couch. Sometimes I pause on the steps and try to will him into existence. I'm not having much success with that so far... I know I won't find him there, of course. But still, I still must look.

His presence in this house is very, very strong. I am often struck by the feeling that he's just left he room, or that he's right there with me, and I would not be surprised if I turned and found him standing in the kitchen. It's not that I'm so used to seeing him in a certain spot that I still feel like he's there, I think it's that his presence and his influence was so strongly imprinted on me that I will always feel like he's with me. In this house, in the car, out shopping. I still feel him around me.

Everyone we've ever gotten to know changes us in some way, and I like the idea that he is always going to be a part of me.  I talk to him all the time, and sometimes I can imagine his responses, his suggestions, his comments. His words flow easily through my thoughts, shaping my own reactions and giving me another perspective on things.

Maybe he is there, just beyond my sight. Maybe when we feel someone near us we have a sense of that.

 

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cross posted from Kything NaturesZen