Evenings

Lots of people like to take pictures of sunsets. They’re common on photo sharing sites, and I've certainly taken more than my share. Jeff enjoyed trying to capture something of the moment too, and we always loved to watch sunsets together. We’d find some spot with a good view, take our cameras, and enjoy the evening.

In the nearly six months since he died I've sometimes noticed a pretty evening sky and briefly considered going out on my own to watch the sun set, but I just couldn't bring myself to leave the house and take pictures. Although I've always enjoyed photography it wasn't until I met Jeff that it really became a shared joy, and once he was gone the photography became another shared hobby that I couldn't bring myself to work on. After all, if I couldn't share any of it with him then what was the point? Why even bother?

I’m not sure what prompted me to pick up my camera and leave the house yesterday, but for some reason it seemed appropriate. It’s spring, it was warm, and if my life had remained unchanged we would probably have taken advantage of this warm weekend to do something fun. I didn't even really try hard to frame out my photos or consider the composition, I just wanted to snap away and try to get back in the habit.

What I've found is that taking one baby step forward feels good at the time, but it usually results in a minor panic state and I leap backwards five steps. It’s too early to tell if that will happen to me this week, but I’m glad I went out. I missed his presence intensely, but it was nice to sit by the water and take pictures, and I know without doubt this would have been high on the list of things that Jeff would want me to continue doing.

cross posted from Kything NaturesZen