That was fast...

Onward to your next adventure

So I looked at Jeff's Facebook today and it's been 'memorialized'... so now I can't log into it anymore and it will never change. That's probably for the best. He won't keep showing up as a suggested friend, his birthday won't appear in lists, and I won't keep getting suggestions about adding little details about how we met to my timeline.

I also noticed that my fear that it would suddenly "unmarry" me from him was unfounded. It seems that as long as I never change my relationship status on my own account then his page will always read "was married to" me. I can't imagine ever updating that, so that did make me feel a tiny bit better. I know it's a silly thing to worry over, but it is what it is.

But overall It was still hard, it was like another little reminder that he's not here, and for some reason those are hitting me harder now than they had in the weeks after he died. I wonder if it's because some of the numbness has started to wear off and I'm realizing I need to face life alone? So far this year has been like reliving the beginning of November all over. There are days I can't even imagine how I'm going to make it all the way through. I often wonder if the pain ever really becomes easier, or if you just get used to living with that knot in your stomach?

I miss you so much. I miss our adventures. I know that now you're off on some amazing adventure that I can't share, but I will still think of you every second of every day.